Evil Smile.

“Sad that our society shapes our choices and decisions.” — Of course, we leave no stone unturned to nullify the implication of the statement. We go to a good school, attend a great university and end up landing a job at some great company. Are you sure you have not messed up while connecting the dots? Are you sure things have fallen at the right places? Ask your conscience and you will get the answer. You might be happy, very happy at this particular moment. But are you sure this feeling of euphoria is not momentary? You might be satisfied and completely content. But are you sure you are not deceiving and hoodwinking yourself into this satisfaction? Oh, of course, you own a swelling bank account, a luxury car and a studio apartment in a plush locality of a metropolis. What else could a human desire, right? Wrong.

When we were kids, at school, some wished to become a doctor, some engineers, few of the artists, a couple of children wanted to become singers, an astronaut, a journalist, a pilot, a soldier, an industrialist and many such diversified professions that could help us realise our fantasies. Those were the purest and the most original thoughts, ambitions and desires. But unfortunately, we evolved along with our desires and fantasies. In fact we were brought up in such an environment and circumstances that there was no other option but to evolve. We were put in situations where the only option was to evolve. Rightly said, it’s not the person but the situation that changes.

There was a girl in my school, an extraordinary singer. The youngest ever to get a certificate of excellence from Trinity School of Music. After being hailed everywhere by almost everyone, she finally scored very poor marks in her final exams. Now she was compared with the topper. Her teachers highlighted that her singing activities are the reason for her poor performance. Her parents kept her far away from music, and bugger, she scored reasonably good marks. Everyone was happy, including the girl. She had unconsciously killed her passion for music. She thought to herself that now everybody is happy she must be doing the right thing. But she could never rise above the tag of an ‘average student’. But being average is better than being poor, right? Wrong. Finally, she joined an average engineering college, graduated with an average B.tech degree and landed up in an average company with an average paycheck. Things might have been different had she picked up the music domain.

And then we say we don’t care what society thinks. Of course, we do. But we are so good at pretending. Both to our own selves and to the world. It’s like getting ready for a play and moulding ourself into a character we are supposed to portray. At the end of the play, we get all those praises and amazing critics for the character we portrayed. Then we realize that people are loving the character we played more than they ever loved the original we. And we deny getting out of that character ever. But that’s not how we are supposed to be. It was a trap and every time most of us fall into it.

I could recall a mathematics class where one of my most admired professors was delivering a lecture. The twenty-20 world cup was on its threshold, and if I am not wrong, on that day, finals were supposed to be played between India and Pakistan. The name of the two teams is sufficient to shoot up the nerves. I agree. I have never liked or had any kind of inclination to watching these games. Though I would love to play these games. Playing a game and watching it on screen is two different things. Playing a game needs a lot of passion and aggression while watching it is just a form of an obsession. Sad we end up fading-in the fine line. And any kind of obsession is an indicator of an unhealthy mental condition. Coming to the point, that day, everyone including me — as I used to doubt my dislike for these sports and wanted to be a part of the herd, was pleading to the professor to release the class early; such that we could go and savour the historic match.

“You have your exams. Either India will win or Pakistan. Whatever be the results, the winning team will earn a lot of money, fame and of course the title of World cup winners. While the runner-up team will also earn money, fame and the title of the runner-up. You will end up increasing the TRP of the broadcasting channel. The players will get more sponsors and new ad assignments. But how will you be benefited from this?”, he asked.

“But Sir, we watch it because it entertains us. Plus we should wake up and pray for our teams in such a crucial match”, a student raised a point.

“Did you wake up the hockey team when they played in the Olympics, or did you pray to God when our brave soldiers laid down their lives with a cheerful smile on their face. Leave all, have you ever prayed for your parents?”, came a counter-question from him.

I was kind of feeling happy as it finally made me feel that I am not doing anything wrong by not following these games.

I strongly believe the majority of the people follow these games and watch it; keeping themselves awake so that they could update their Facebook status, pass on their expert critics and eventually discuss it with everyone they find on their way. Girls who follow FIFA consider themselves the rare gift of God. I wonder why. To impress guys maybe (or maybe not), or maybe because it sounds cool.

Acceptance is rare. It’s rare because we are scared, very very scared to reveal our identity. We prefer to wrap up our identity and show to the world, only what is pleasing to their eyes and speak only what is sonorous to their ears.

Somebody asked me on quora — Do we really need to get into another relationship to forget the previous one?

I asked him/her — Does your need depends on my opinion? If yes, nobody could help you. If no, it would be better if you ask this question to your conscience.

And if you need someone to get out from an old relationship, hello, something is seriously wrong. Something to introspect and retrospect about. It simply means your image in your eyes is way too bleak. It means you are not confident. It means you need someone to validate you. It means there is a loophole in your personality that could be easily exploited. It means you can’t make yourself feel good. And since you can’t make yourself feel good and special, you need someone who could make you pseudo realize that you are special.

Get out of your mask. Go and stand in front of the mirror. Stare into your eyes and reveal your identity to yourself. Pamper yourself. Free your mind. And convince yourself that you are special. You don’t need to change your choices and hobbies to do that.

Not long when I faced the mirror,
My eyes were red and the face was numb.
I stared it once as courage sank,
It stared me twice with an evil smile.

The daring hustler died inside,
I caressed her with all my might.
The wind was strong and slopes steep,
As it pulled me somewhere deep.

Selective thinking is what I wish,
But I could see the view unseen.